Success!

Despite all the spectacular garbage I had to wade through, I filled all my open positions. See you soon for more failure...

I knew that shit was fake

Actor

“Blind Date” (2009)

Awesomeness

I'll only interview you if you give me the dirt on Ryan Seacrest.

American Idol
PA

Setting the stage & dance floor
Registering the contestants, & escorting the contestants to the “Confessional Room”
Assisted in lighting for promo shots with Ryan Seacrest & assisted camera crew for set ups of various shoots

Did you know?

Did you know that winzip is a skill?

Neat

While very noble, "Blood Donor" is not relevant job experience for a computer tech job. It's not really experience for anything. Except maybe a vampire's assistant.

Epic.

This one is amazing. Two days ago Erwin applied at a doctor's office with a crappy cover letter. Failing to get a response, he simply forwarded his cover letter to me! Good times

Why?

Putting your picture on your resume doesn't make me want to hire you.
Especially this one.

Lies!

Do you know how I know that you *don't* have Microsoft Office Skills?
Spellcheck. I don't even have a problem hiring people who can't spell- English just might not be his first language... but show some damn effort on the resume!

"Skilles and cert.:

microsoft office 2000,2003,2007,2008

Programming(visual basic 6.0, php 4.1,basic,html,and some more languges)

Networking(doing networkes for offices and some small companys)

Pc,laptop repair(very good experiance to fix the most problem in computers hardware and software,motherboards,etc)

Software and hardware security(very good experiance with compter,laptop,wirless,network security)

built custom computers and programes(5 years experiance built computers)

and i have very nice customer service .

I like to apply for this job becuse am sure i will be the right person for this feld.

Thank you"

What...?

I don't know why he thinks this is a good idea. I posted an ad, therefore I have a job, but clearly not one for you.

Relevant Experience FAIL

Network telephone services is a phone sex company :/

In recession, resume applies you!

"Will be happy to work with you.
The resume for the position have been attached to the email .
Sincerely, Mikhail"

Resume padding FAIL Below:
"◦ Effectively establish and maintain product development schedules using MS Office tools
◦ Monitor schedule dates in an effort to ensure they are not missed and make proactive recommendations to pull schedule back on track if it should stray. Distribute work in the department to ensure all work will be done on time"

Non-padded version:

I did the shit on time.

Omfg

You're applying for a technology related job with a Wordperfect formatted resume. I haven't owned a computer that could read a wordperfect file since 1992.

That's like Michael Vick applying at Petco.

I'm not sure you can fix a computer.

Professionalism Double FAIL

ugh...

Cover Letter TMI...

Cover letters aren't a huge deal to me personally, but when your cover letter was written for a totally different industry and talks about your recent divorce I'm only opening it for comedic value.

"Hi,
My name is **** but I go by **. I am looking for a management position in the towing industry. I am a very hard working well know individual in this industry. I use to own **** Towing Service with **** until we devorced and I gave everything back to him. I would like to think that I have a very good reputation in this industry aside from ****.
"

ALL CAPS FAIL

Here is a part of the eye gougingly horrible resume of Frank. Frank has been in the job market for almost ten years, and has a year of college under his belt. But our system has clearly failed him. The fact that he somehow got three other jobs at some point with this abortion is the most disturbing part.

BTW, the resume is four pages long.