Work Experience Fail

When you proudly state 15 years of experience at the top of the resume, then only list a job you had in 2010...

I don't know. I'm sad now.

Subject Fail

Hey how yuu doin'? Not too good I guess considering you've only worked at KFC.

From Russia with < 3

I'd like to work with you too. Unfortunately, I need computer techs, not russian mail order brides.

I might have techs that need russian mail order brides, but that's besides the point.

Also, carwasher? WTF?

Appreciate the Resume

Speaks for itself (as usual)

Public Education Fail

Resume Template Fail

Objective

Seeking a position of ********* with ********.

WTF????????

Ok. I honestly don't know if this is a joke or not, what do you think?

In the "Special Achievements" Section of this guy's resume, he put: "Time Magazine's Person of the Year 2006". Intrigued, I looked up Time Magazine's Person of the Year 2006.

What the fuck.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I can do tax report with a SSN.
but, I don't have a working permit.

Please! Consider.
I'll do my best.
Thanks

Neat

"I have the ability to lift 70 lbs."

Nice Website!

Why would you put this on your resume?

Cover Letter Template Fail

We're off to a great start, Gino.

Wha...?

What doesn't add up here?
"MAKPETROL oil distribution company – Macedonia (1999-present)
-Manager
+Material and financing accounting
+Prepares monthly wholesales reports
+Manage daily operations of a busy gas station
+Provided tech support for all PC user in region and
+Implementing new software and ISO standards"

Oh, and BTW, you fucking live in Macedonia.

Self-Depreciation

"Hello my name is Brian, i currently live in ***********. I may not have a good resume, but i have computer experience, a vehicle, and willing to be reliable, hard working, and dependable. I am willing to prove any form of test that are given. Please contact me back as soon as possible. I am not wasting your time whatsoever."

He didn't attach a resume either. Is it really THAT bad? I kind of want him to send it to me now...

Facebook

Off-topic: What compels someone to add the person who just shitcanned you hours before on facebook?

Head -> Desk

Just so you know, when I post a job ad that tells you "DO NOT BOTHER REPLYING IF 'X' IS TRUE" and you apply anyway even though X is very clearly true, I kill a kitten.

Email Address Failures

This is over 5 minutes of looking :(

Tha_Product@*****.net
obamasucks827@*****.com
hoopdie_bitch@*****.com

Poor Guy

"I am currently employed as a HP laser printer tech. I have computer skills and I'm looking for a change of pace. This looks like the right path for me and it sound very interesting to me. I've been with the same company for over seven years and need to update my resume. "

That's all. No attachment, nothing. I'd be confused why he felt the need to let me know he needed to update his resume, but I guess he did me a favor by not attaching anything...

The Failure Continues

Well, I'm back. The powers that be have decided to torture me once more with wading through stacks of terrible resumes.

Success!

Despite all the spectacular garbage I had to wade through, I filled all my open positions. See you soon for more failure...

I knew that shit was fake

Actor

“Blind Date” (2009)

Awesomeness

I'll only interview you if you give me the dirt on Ryan Seacrest.

American Idol
PA

Setting the stage & dance floor
Registering the contestants, & escorting the contestants to the “Confessional Room”
Assisted in lighting for promo shots with Ryan Seacrest & assisted camera crew for set ups of various shoots

Did you know?

Did you know that winzip is a skill?

Neat

While very noble, "Blood Donor" is not relevant job experience for a computer tech job. It's not really experience for anything. Except maybe a vampire's assistant.

Epic.

This one is amazing. Two days ago Erwin applied at a doctor's office with a crappy cover letter. Failing to get a response, he simply forwarded his cover letter to me! Good times

Why?

Putting your picture on your resume doesn't make me want to hire you.
Especially this one.