Time to Update the Resume

R.I.P.

Does not compute

Lots wrong here.
I want to know what "12,000+Keystrokes" means. Per minute? Per hour? If you can type 65 words, that means your average word is 184 characters long? You can type 200 keystrokes per second? Or maybe it means you are capable of pressing 12,000 buttons. Well sir, I am not impressed.

Oh and you can type alpha AND NUMERIC?? BETTER PUT THAT ON MY RESUME
And since it's an IT job, i suppose it's key that you are skilled in the electronic mail. No argument there.

Pro-Tip

Bad idea to send out resumes from your corporate email address, especially when you report directly to the network administrator.

ut-oh

were you strapped? Did it need to go in your butt? this is the info i need to have people

No.

No, no, no no non xxnononoonononoxx

The Best Resume Quote Ever

"As a catholic school student from preschool to college I have been taught to think outside the box."

I love this sentence for some reason

I have worked in a grocery store as a pool technician and for a law office all of which needed excellent people skills weather on the phone or in person

'kay

Is this a dating site? I'm available too ladies.

That's DEEP.

Typing Speed Fail

Someone, tell me if I'm wrong, but isn't that really slow?

Knowing your Audience

Likely just a generic copy paste spam reply, but still... do you even read the ad?
COMPUTER TECH JOB. Also, I rarely hire stealth assassins. I mean, it's possible, you just have to prove you haven't killed in the last three months. I don't ask much.



PS what are tag outs and tub foots and why is that something to put on a resume?

Nice Double Fail

I didn't know you could claim emerging technology that doesnt exist yet as a core competency. NEAT!



Here's some cutting edge emerging tech right here!

Something is Wrong

This might be SoCal specific, but she's lived there for at least a couple years, and she can't spell the name of the city she lives in...

I can see you are very meticulous.

Work Experience Fail

When you proudly state 15 years of experience at the top of the resume, then only list a job you had in 2010...

I don't know. I'm sad now.

Subject Fail

Hey how yuu doin'? Not too good I guess considering you've only worked at KFC.

From Russia with < 3

I'd like to work with you too. Unfortunately, I need computer techs, not russian mail order brides.

I might have techs that need russian mail order brides, but that's besides the point.

Also, carwasher? WTF?

Appreciate the Resume

Speaks for itself (as usual)